Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

The Trouble with Sleep

(By TheWayIsHere)

I heart sleep.

If sleep was a hot chick, I would definitely cheat on my wife with her. That’s how much I love it.

Back in the day, all the way up through college, it wasn’t uncommon for me to stay in bed until 1 or 2 in the afternoon if I didn’t have anything going on.

Now that I’m older, it’s harder for me to stay in bed as long.

But I still heart sleep – as I’m sure most of you do.

So why is it that sleep poses the biggest catch-22 of them all?

Everybody and their mother is pushing this whole YOLO thing. You only live once, so don’t waste a minute of your life. You should, as they say, be doing something exciting every second of every minute of every day.

Well let’s do some simple math, shall we?

The average person works a 9-5 job – 40 hours a week. According to doctors/scientists, the average person should also get between 7-9 hours of sleep a night in order to stay healthy. That’s another 49-63 hours a week.

A week consists of… let me consult my abacus… ahhh yes, 168 hours.

So during any given week, the average person is sleeping anywhere from 29-38 percent of the time and working another 24 percent of the time.

That leaves us with just 38-47 percent of “free” time to… live.

It just seems fundamentally wrong to me.

Check out these graphs:

Most humans fall into the monophasic or biphasic categories.

Meanwhile, the three graphs on the right are called polyphasic sleep patterns – also known as the “sleep of genius” – which allots for a maximum five hours of sleep per day. It’s been said that Leonardo Da Vinci slept a maximum of two hours a day, spaced out in intervals of 10-20 minute naps. That means Da Vinci was awake for 92 percent of any given week, as opposed to 62-71 percent of the week.

My theory is this: we’re wasting valuable time sleeping.

Perhaps we’re supposed to follow a polyphasic sleep schedule for six days of the week and on Sundays – “the day of rest” – recharge our batteries (brains) with a normal 7-9 hour sleep.

Of course, this would require retraining the body – or else we’d all end up like Kramer.

Anyway, it’s something to think about…

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

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