Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

The Wonderful Randomness of T.J. Maxx

(By TheWayIsHere)

Bored? Tired of the same old, same old? Want to do something fun that doesn’t necessarily cost any money?

Well, my friend, you are in luck! I was in the same predicament yesterday, and found myself wondering what I could do to pass some time. So I went to the pet supply store and picked up some litter box liners.

Needless to say, that didn’t fulfill my need. So I wandered next door to the local T.J. Maxx and found a treasure trove of random shit that any sports fan would absolutely love. As I stood in the men’s section, snapping pictures with my iPhone, I received more than one curious glance. When an employee walked over to ask if I needed an help, I quickly shooed her away. I’m a certified Maxxinista now.

Here are a few of the wonderfully random items I found:

Let’s be serious for a minute: why wouldn’t there be a couple of Tampa Bay Bucs throwback uniforms on the sale rack at a T.J. Maxx in Smithfield, Rhode Island, right?! The second I saw the creamsicle-colored sleeve of the Josh Freeman jersey, I got all giddy. But then, a few feet down, I saw the Barrett Ruud uni and lost it. Ruud hasn’t even played for the Bucs since 2010! Amazing. At $16.99 apiece, I was tempted to get one of these beauties… but decided against it.

Major League Soccer’s New England Revolution play in Foxboro, Massachusetts, just up the road from Smithfield, RI. So it would stand to reason that there would be some Revs merchandise at a T.J. Maxx so close to the stadium. After all, this is Revs country. Not so fast, amigo. I couldn’t find one single clothing item featuring the Revs logo, aside from a hat that appeared to be circa 1998. What I did find, however, were a few of these Chicago Fire jerseys on sale for $12.99. Why are they here? Fuck if I know. I also stumbled upon this lovely “training shirt” from the 2011 MLS All-Star Game in… New York City.

Based on location alone, you’re probably wondering why I would bother taking a picture of this article. It’s a UMass-Boston shirt, not that odd since Boston is only about an hour away from Smithfield. But after working at The Keene Sentinel for a couple of years and covering Keene State athletics, I was shocked to discover this piece. Not only is UMass-Boston the absolute worst team in the entire Little East Conference, but I was pretty confident the school was so shitty that they didn’t even bother to manufacture fan apparel. Boy, was I wrong. This gorgeous shirt can be yours for the low, low price of $9.99!

Not only did our T.J. Maxx have around 20 of these University AT Buffalo t-shirts, but they were all hanging up on a wall as if the store was featuring them. I can see it now: the store manager proudly hanging these just knowing that they are going to sell like hot cakes. Somebody forgot to tell her that she manages a store in Rhode Island, not in Buffalo. Ooooh, wait. I get it now. I just checked the Bulls’ football schedule and see they are playing UMass at Gillette Stadium on November, 17. Our T.J. Maxx manager is just planning ahead, waiting for the rush of Buffalo fans to scoop up these shirts on their way to the game. Genius!

This was, hands down, my favorite. I literally started laughing when I found it. A Sulphur Springs High School hoodie, made by Under Armour. After taking the picture, I Googled the school and discovered that it’s located in Sulphur Springs, Texas, about an hour outside of Dallas. You didn’t read that wrong. There is a fucking sweatshirt from a high school in Texas at the T.J. Maxx in Smithfield, RI. And the best part about it – aside from being almost too random to be true – is that the sweatshirt was the highest-priced item on this list at $24.99. Go Wildcats!

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About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

One comment on “The Wonderful Randomness of T.J. Maxx

  1. Gonos
    September 12, 2012

    I will be heading to TJ Maxxxxx to find me a Barret Ruud throwback! I don’t mind that he sucks and is no longer a Buc. The creamsicle throwbacks rock! … I also wouldn’t mind a Fred McGriff Devil Rays jersey, so keep your eyes out!

    Good stuff!

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