Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Sift Through the Brainstorm Debris – 8.28.12

(By TheWayIsHere)

I decided it wasn’t fair for YetiVedder to have all the bullet-point fun, so I reckon I’ll join in on the fad.

What will you find in this weekly list? I have no freaking clue, but I’m sure it will all be deep and profound.

* The other day, I saw the tail end of a preview for a new baseball movie coming out called Trouble With the Curve, starring Clint Eastwood. I can only assume it’s a movie based on Roger Clemens and his ridiculous “comeback.” (Thanks for that one, dad.)

* Right around that same time, I saw a preview for a terrifying new horror movie called The Oogieloves, or something like that. I have no fucking clue what these frightening creatures are… all I know is they scare the shit out of me. Paranormal Activity is like a kids movie compared to this:

* Why can’t I find MXC on television anymore? Wipeout can’t even hold a candle to MXC, which was off-the-charts funny. It was the perfect blend of hilarious dubbing and painful eliminations.

* Is it gay to say that I miss childhood sleepovers with the guys? Yes, it is. But it’s true… I do miss them. Good times.

* I saw this story on a friend’s Facebook timeline yesterday. It’s basically talking about how men are becoming more and more irrelevant to life as we know it. The lesson here is simple: Men, stop donating sperm to sperm banks.

* Last year, I waited far too long to enjoy my first Shipyard Pumpkinhead of the season. I got a head start this year and have already downed around 30 of these delicious brews. Don’t miss out – the fall beers come and go before you know it!

* Does anybody remember Gideon Yago from MTV? I just discovered he’s a staff writer for The Newsroom. Interesting, huh?

* Can anybody explain to me what the fuck is going on in this commercial?

I’m a pretty intelligent guy, but I literally have no idea. It’s shocking to me that there are ads like this floating around out there, yet I can’t break into the advertising industry. Shocking.

* Sooooooo I guess Ryan Braun wasn’t on steroids, huh? All he’s done so far this season is hit .307 with 35 home runs and 90 RBIs. The 35 and 90 are both National League-leading. Braun is probably going to win the NL MVP award this season too. How good do you think he feels? Just sending a huge “Fuck you” to every single one of his doubters. Kid’s a beast.

* I’m almost jealous of all the kids going back to elementary and high schools over the next few days. I always remember that as being such an exciting time. Summer is great, but toward the end of it I always wanted to get back into the swing of school and sports.

* Is this the most hilariously tragic fail of all-time? A man dies trying to create a fake Bigfoot sighting. Classic. And the answer to the question is yes.

* It seems like journals aren’t as popular anymore as they used to be. Why is that? Pretty much every guy and girl had a journal back in the early to mid 1900s.

* A couple weeks back, in this very column, I predicted that my fantasy team would finish the season with a 5-8 record. After an absolutely dreadful draft, I’m changing that mark to 3-10. Gonna be a great year for the Icebox Munchers!

* Banger of the Week: The Plot to Bomb the Panhandle by A Day to Remember

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

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