Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Sift Through the Brainstorm Debris – 8.21.12

(By TheWayIsHere)

I decided it wasn’t fair for YetiVedder to have all the bullet-point fun, so I reckon I’ll join in on the fad.

What will you find in this weekly list? I have no freaking clue, but I’m sure it will all be deep and profound.

* The vanilla-scented trash bags in my kitchen garbage can pose quite a quandary. Whenever I catch a whiff of that wonderful aroma, it immediately makes me hungry… and I have to use exceptional will power to keep from rummaging through the garbage to find scraps to eat.

* Remember when everybody was worried about Albert Pujols? Over a span of 51 games during the months of April, March and May, the dude hit just .243 with eight home runs and 28 RBIs. Since that time, he has hit .307 with 20 homers and 57 RBIs. I think we can stop worrying.

 * Oh, and a big thank you to Carl Crawford for popping in to say hello this season. Glad you’re getting paid $19.5 million for 31 games of work. Also glad you got $14.86 million last season for your stellar body of work that included a .255 batting average and just 18 steals in 130 games. You’re a bum.

* It is absolutely hysterical to hear dudes flirt with girls in the Playstation 3 lobbies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. It’s like sea gulls flocking around an abandoned beach blanket with exposed food. I guess you don’t get to meet many women in your mom’s basement.

* American Dad has been funnier than Family Guy for a solid five years. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Family Guy – but American Dad is fucking hilarious.

* So Jennie Garth, Jason Priestley, Luke Perry and Gabrielle Carteris are in Old Navy commercials, and Shannen Doherty is in Education Connection ads. Glad to see the kids from Beverly Hills 90210 are doing well. God only knows what Ian Ziering is up to nowadays.

* Anybody who knows me knows that I’m observant to a fault. That’s why this commercial cracks me up so much:

If you watch carefully, you’ll notice the golfer on the left absolutely bitches out on his drive. You can see his ball bounce off to the right as he takes an ever-so-slight glance in its direction. Comedy at its finest.

* My wife and I are heading to New Orleans in a few weeks. Any suggestions on what we should do while we’re there?

* Louie Zamperini was, hands down, one of the biggest bad asses of all-time. Don’t believe me? Read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand.

* Did anybody actually read the books on the summer reading lists?

* I think there is a family of spiders living in my car. Whenever I get in, I see webs everywhere. At one point, my interior looked like the god damn basement from Arachnophobia.

* The Newsroom is a fantastic show. Fantastic.

* Banger of the Week: Sacrifice by Silverstein

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

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