Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
I decided it wasn’t fair for YetiVedder to have all the bullet-point fun, so I reckon I’ll join in on the fad.
What will you find in this weekly list? I have no freaking clue, but I’m sure it will all be deep and profound.
* Hey Wendy’s, can you please stop shoving this friendless ginger down my throat? I don’t care about your fresh salads, bacony burgers or value meals… just keep this psycho away from me. She’s like a god damn red-headed ninja. Woman just appears out of thin air in grocery stores, at yard sales and even in the back seat of cars.
* What is it with old dudes just posting up in lawn chairs on their driveway? Do they enjoy watching traffic that much? I guess when you get to a certain age, you just say, “Fuck it, I’ve done everything I want to do in life. I’m going to sit here and stare at passing cars.”
* Duct-tape Bowser. The biggest understatement of the century would be to claim this bro has way too much time on his hands.
* Whenever I start to lose faith in mankind, I just think about this: As long as there are ladies and gentlemen out there willing to toss salads and tongue-punch brown stars, we’re going to be okay. To have that much faith in another human’s bowels is a true testament to our ongoing struggle to evolve and thrive. Hell, I don’t even have that much confidence in my own bowels.
* I can’t even describe how much I dislike Bobby Valentine. I hated when the Red Sox signed him last winter, and I hate him even more now. The smugness and arrogance he emits while making absolutely inane managerial decisions makes my blood boil so much that I’ve all but stopped watching the Sox this summer. I wish he was chomping on his gum in somebody else’s dugout.
* Being unemployed still sucks.
* The excitement I have for the upcoming football/fantasy football season can only be compared to the excitement and anxiety one feels about a baby being born. For some excellent fantasy advice, surf over to DavidGonos.com – guy knows what he’s talking about!
* Prediction time… New England Patriots 2012 record: 13-3. My fantasy team’s 2012 record: 5-8.
* The NBA is a joke. Now that there are 3-5 super teams, why would the rest of the squads even bother showing up? At this point, it’s worse than baseball and its lack of a salary cap. The Nationals, Pirates, A’s, Orioles and Giants are proof that the MLB system can still work, though I’m not a huge fan of it. Try telling players on the Toronto Raptors, Charlotte Bobcats or Sacramento Kings that they have a chance in hell at success.
* Was anybody else actually rooting against the USA men’s basketball team? I can’t be the only one who wanted them to lose. And no, this year’s team would not have a chance against the 1992 Dream Team.
* This is an interesting list talking about the 10 “unhappiest” jobs in America. With our country’s unemployment rate still ridiculously high, I’ll speak for all of us jobless folks: Fuck you and the job that makes you so miserable.
* I love summer, but I can’t wait for fall.
* Banger of the Week: What It Is To Burn by Finch