Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
* One way to intimidate everyone at the bar you are at is to walk in and kiss both of your biceps. It works like a charm.
* You know what philosophy never works in sports? Keeping your team exactly the same and not upgrading at all anywhere and possibly even downgrading at one of your most important positions?? Ladies and gentlemen, your 2012-13 Boston Bruins!
* Maybe Jon Lester should try throwing right handed?
* I can’t stand this team’s philosophy. Our best starting pitcher over the last 2 months was Franklin Morales. So what do we do? Put him back in the bullpen!!! Why do we punish our best players? We can reload this squad with some better pitching and TRADE JOSH BECKETT!!! Last but not least, for the love of god please keep Ryan Sweeney and Daniel Nava on the bench until further notice! They are both bench players!!!
* Trade Josh Beckett! PLEASE!!!
* I watched an Angels game this weekend and Mike Trout might be the most gifted baseball player I have ever watched. He can literally do it all.
* With all of the very somber news coming from Colorado and Penn State, the Olympics couldn’t come at a better time. I really hope for some uplifting news, because this country could really use some positive vibes!
* Band recommendation this week is The Old Crow Medicine Show. I love this song and I’m sure you will too!
* So Dane Cook will be making his live theater acting debut in The Producers. Somewhere Matthew Broderick is using his keyboard to throw up.
* Do you think Jared from Subway gets a lot of women? He can ask them if they want a $5 foot long. I bet he gets a ton of chicks!
* With NFL training camp starting this week I think the most interesting position battles for the Pats will be RB and WR. It will be fun to see if Stevan Ridley and Shane Vereen can replace BenJarvus Green-Ellis. I was a HUGE fan of BJGE mainly because he NEVER FUMBLED!!! You can’t take that for granted! The WR’s will be fun to watch as well. You know Welker and Lloyd make the team, but who else out of Edelman, Gaffney, Stallworth and Branch???
* Why haven’t they invented a charger that charges every kind of cell phone yet? I should invent that and be a billionaire!
* Stacy Keibler is dating George Clooney. Little does George know Stacy often sends me naughty text messages! If I had a nickel for every time someone told me I look like George Clooney, I would have 0 nickels.
* I hate caller I.D. Mainly because I can no longer prank call people. I am a grown man that misses the prank call!
* I know Eliza would never go for Jared from Subway. She is more of a King from Burger King kind of girl.
* I am going to start trading and bartering again. I know that TV is $1000, but I have a Dennis Eckersley rookie card and this half a sandwich that says you’ll give it to me for $800! Dennis Eckersley is worth at least that??? Right???
* How are the people from the Jersey Shore still famous? That should be over by now, right?
* Where have you gone Kimmy Gibbler, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you!