Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

The Mind of the Yeti – 7.11.12

FACT: A female yeti is never as good looking as a male yeti.

(By YetiVedder)

*  When I think of one word to describe Kelly Clarkson, I never think sexy. I think doughy.

*  The only kind of marathon I will ever participate in will be watching Law and Order reruns for hours at a time.

*  NEW HATED ATHLETE ALERT!!! Congratulations to Dwight Howard. I hope the Lakers don’t trade for this idiot. Knowing that I have written this now he will be a Laker within 48 hours. He will officially become the most hated athlete on a team I cheer for. So you have that going for you Josh Beckett!

*  I AM school-boy happy that the Lakers got Steve Nash!!!  EXACTLY what they needed!!!

*  The Lumineers new song Ho Hey is an amazing tune! It gets stuck in my head every time I hear it.

*  When I think of one word to describe Rihanna, I never think sexy. I think sticky.  Okay, she is sexy too.  A sticky kind of sexy…

*  Three years from now we will look back at this NBA draft and realize what a great draft New Orleans had. Yes they had the number 1 pick, but to also get Austin Rivers at 10 to me was a great get.

*  R.I.P. Ernest Borgnine.  If what he says here is true, Yeti Vedder may live forever!!!

*  Isn’t it funny that I say the Red Sox should try different pitchers and their best pitcher over the past 2 weeks has been Franklin Morales? I say trade Youk and they do. I’m just waiting for Larvanway to get the call. I should be the GM of the Red Sox.

*  Kevin Youkilis is killing the ball which leads me to believe that the Red Sox clubhouse may be the worst place to be in baseball!!!

*  I’m starting to get psyched for Patriots football. I feel like every time I read something about the Pats it is always something positive. This team is loaded! I’m saying 13-3.

*  I wonder what my man David Gonos from thinks about my fantasy rankings!  My number 1’s at each position are as follows. RB-Arian Foster, WR-Calvin Johnson, TE-My man Rob Gronkowski, and surprise, surprise I think with the new reloaded WR core I am taking Tom Brady at QB!!! Or Aaron Rodgers, but I still love Brady!!!

*  I wish my everyday life was like a beer commercial. Those folks know how to party.

*  You want to freak someone out at the supermarket? Ask them to slow dance.

*  How can a Celtics fan say they will cheer for Ray Allen?  The guy left your team for 50% less money!!!  That would be like Pau Gasol leaving L.A. for less money to go to San Antonio!

*  When I think of Eliza Dushku, I do think sexy.

*  I want a celebrity to retweet so bad that I am willing to name my first born child after the famous person that retweets it first. It also has to be cool with the future Mrs. Yeti Vedder.  You hearing me Oprah?

*  Fourth of July fireworks are great. Two weeks after the fourth when some douche is lighting of firecrackers at 2 AM? Not so great.

*  For my R.I. peeps.  Hey Twin River, I would have been super excited to see the Go-Go’s, Foreigner, and REO Speedwagon if it was still 1984!  BUT it’s 2012 and none of these bands have been commercial worthy since Belinda Carlisle sang Blue Heaven!!!

*  How much tail do you think the band gets?  Do you think they approach chicks by telling them they are in the band???  Then close it by asking if they want to go back to their place and have a little credit score check!

*  Want to piss people off that are having a great time? Go to a karaoke bar and when they call you up to sing take out a book and begin to read to the crowd.

*  Are karaoke people the craziest people in the world? I think so. I don’t mean the casual karaoke singer. I mean the person that sings karaoke 7 nights a week at different karaoke places because someone said they had a good voice one time.

*  I’m pretty sure the USA Network has 4 shows. Law and Order reruns, Psych, Monk, and Monday Night Raw. This is hilarious to me.

*  Where have you gone Justin Guarini, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

If they ever make a real Simpsons movie how does he not play Sideshow Bob???

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

One comment on “The Mind of the Yeti – 7.11.12

  1. Gonos
    July 11, 2012

    Well done. (Btw, Psych cracks me up, but I’m weird like that.) As far as your rankings, I’m one of the very few that likes Ray Rice more than Foster. But your No. 1’s are all solid. The only thing going against Brady is he faces the toughest schedule for a quarterback in the Fantasy regular season. Even so, he’s damn good! I picked up Wes Welker with pick No. 2.12 in a mock draft last night! Gotta love me some WWW!

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