Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Starting Five – 6.21.12

(By TheWayIsHere)

People love lists. People also love to argue. So each Thursday, we’re going to give you a chance to read a list and then argue about it.

Go ahead… flex those muscles while sitting safely behind a computer screen in your mom’s basement. There’s nothing wrong with that.

Mom! Meatloaf! Fuck!

This week’s Starting Five is…

Candy Bars

5. Charleston Chew

Maybe it’s because Charleston Chews bring back fond memories of my childhood at the local swim club, but there isn’t much in this world that’s better than a frozen Charleston Chew on a hot summer day.

4. Snickers  

Caramel, peanuts, milk chocolate and nougat-  tough to beat. Snickers is just a classic candy bar. To say it satisfies me more than my wife does would be a lie… but not by much.

3. Mr. Goodbar

Probably the most underrated candy bar on the market. It’s so simple, yet so delicious. How can you possibly go wrong with a perfect combination of milk chocolate and peanuts? You can’t. Boom.

2. 3 Musketeers 

I don’t know what the hell is in 3 Musketeers, but I do know it’s damn delicious. Seriously, does anybody know what’s in there? I know it’s some kind of fluffy nougat, but it doesn’t taste like anything in other candy bars. Deeeeeeeelicious!

1. Kit Kat

I could literally eat Kit Kats all day, every day. Hands down, the best candy bar on the market today – and one of the best product jingles on the market as well! Winner winner, chicken dinner. Kit Kat wins!

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

10 comments on “Starting Five – 6.21.12

  1. Gonos
    June 21, 2012

    Mr. Goodbar on this list is like when that guy drafts Rob Gronkowski third overall. That candy bar is only good in the little bite-size ones you eat, before all the Special Darks, but after the Krackel and Hershey’s bars.

    I denounce thee for not having 100 Grand bar on here. The candy bar so awesome that it had to change its name because Euros kept calling it the 79,321 Euros bar after doing the currency conversion.

    Let me improve your life, TheWayIsHere, go buy a Whatchamacallit candy bar, throw it in the freezer, wait 78 minutes, then snap into that thing. Enjoy the taste-bud-gasm!

    (I like the Starting Five! idea, and you have spurred me on to do my own Top 12 Candy Bar list. I will attribute my awesome idea to this link, so no lawsuits!)

  2. blucowboy
    June 22, 2012

    I can’t even look at this list and think, “Yea, that’s close.” You can tell a skinny kid wrote this.

    • TheWayIsHere
      June 22, 2012

      I’m all ears… waiting on your list.

      • blucowboy
        June 22, 2012


        5. Milky Way
        4. 100 grand
        3. Butterfinger
        2. Snickers
        1. Reese’s (and I don’t give a shit if it isn’t in bar form)

      • Gonos
        June 22, 2012

        You had me until Reese’s, which are good, but top five!?! That’s kooky-talk. I’m with TWIH that Kit-Kat trumps Reese’s.

        I dare someone to say Zagnut. I DARE THEM!!!!

      • blucowboy
        June 22, 2012

        Zagnut? You mean a poor man’s Chick-O-Stick? I’ll take that any day of the week over a fucking Mr. Goodbar!

      • Gonos
        June 22, 2012

        I bet Mr. Goodbar was the brainchild of Tad Hershey, the good-for-nothing grandchild of Hershey founder Jebediah Hershey.

        Tad: Grandpa,I have a new candy bar idea that will finally justify my ridiculous salary!

        Jebediah: Really!?!?!?! Fantastic! Let’s hear it!

        Tad: Ok, ready? … The Mr. Goodbar! Here’s the secret recipe: Peanuts in chocolate!

        Jebediah: … You mean, like poop?

        Tad: Well, yeah, except rectangular poop! Now we can compete with Nestle’s Baby Ruth in the most poop-like candy bar category!

        Jebediah: … Hmmm … Well … I guess we can do that. But listen, don’t come up with a corn & chocolate candy bar too, OK?

        Aaaaaaaaaand scene.

      • blucowboy
        June 22, 2012

        HA! Brilliant!

  3. TheWayIsHere
    June 23, 2012

    You hit the nail on the head with Reese’s, BluCowboy. I didn’t add it because it’s not a candy BAR… otherwise, it would have been No. 1. Also, Butterfingers are good – but all the shit that gets stuck in your teeth drops it down a few pegs.

  4. Pingback: Best Candy Bars Ever Mock Draft

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