Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Queen James

(By YetiVedder)

So tonight could be one of those sporting nights I have been dreading.  The night where one of the athletes I hate most wins a ring.  I had those few years where Brady was so much better then Manning because Brady had three rings and Peyton had zero.  Then poof, that was gone with a very weak super bowl win over Rex Grossman and the Chicago Bears.

My attention then moved forward to Purple Lips McGee, or as he is known to his fans, Alex Rodriguez.  He was the guy I didn’t want to win.  It was so great watching the Red Sox win in 04 and 07, but it was even more delicious because we were beating that douchebag.  Whether he was pushing Tek in the face or slapping the ball away from Arroyo like a little bitch, A-Rod was the guy I didn’t want to win.  Then he won and there was no one to cheer against anymore.  I didn’t have a Peyton or A-Rod to root against with every bone in my body.

Until Bron Bron made his decision.

I hate Lebron James for leaving Cleveland.  I hate him for making it into a half-hour TV special and literally just ripping fan’s hearts out and not caring.  I hate him for taking the easy way to a title and signing up to play with his friends.  I hate him because he gave himself the nickname “King James.”   I hate that he really believes that people should call him that.  If you don’t believe me just check his Twitter name!  I hate him for not 5, not 6, not 7…  I hate that he was a millionaire at 14 when I had to work part time at a movie theater for 6 bucks an hour.  Lebron is just the worst in my eyes!

My main argument against him being the best player in the league was he has never won anything!!!  Well that could all end tonight.  We will have to watch highlights on Queen James for weeks and weeks and be tortured by horrible interviews about how he is a warrior and one of the all-time greats.  But Magic never wanted to play with Bird or Jordan.  Kobe had Shaq and as soon as they said you couldn’t have done it without Shaq, he pulled a “fuck you Jobu, I’ll do it myself!” and did just that.  Bron Bron can never do that.  So I can take some satisfaction in that.

I will watch tonight’s game and I will cheer first against the refs playing any part, but second Lebron winning.  Please let Kevin Durant finally have that breakout finals game.   Let Harden and Westbrook play with a little intelligence.  Let the clutch of Derek Fischer shine like he was still in Lakers purple and gold!  But I have a feeling it ends tonight.  So I may not be able to watch ESPN for the next few months due to warrior interviews, but god I hope Lebron has one more choke job left in his belt!

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

One comment on “Queen James

  1. fantasyfurnace
    June 21, 2012

    Nice article!!!

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