Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
Ladies and Gentlemen, please allow me to get serious for a moment. A very close friend of mine who I love dearly is currently battling a serious health scare. About a year ago (Name Changed To Protect Identity), Rose Windsong had a very bad case of Pertussis. For a while she was in remission, but unfortunately, despite numerous vaccines and a lifestyle slightly healthier than that of a college freshman, she has experienced a recurrence.
According to a friend of mine who claims to be a doctor, but I secretly think is just lying to examine my wife’s vagina, the leading cause of Pertussis is prolonged and consistent exposure to ATM (the sex act, not the money dispenser). Also called Whooping Cough, Pertussis begins as an average cold, but quickly worsens to include severe coughing that can lead to vomiting and accidental bowel movements.
While many of you may choose to judge her or blame her lifestyle, please understand that she is no more to blame for her disease than purple-haired guys with AIDS are to blame for John Rocker’s bigotry. This shit is contagious though, so you might want to stay away…