Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Cookie Monsters

(By SacDaddy82)

Author’s note: After I had this all written up, I found out this really happened in 2008. Well, looks like Jim Rome, his “Clones” and I were all fooled. The hell with it. I’m submitting this anyway. Enjoy.

Every time I think I’ve heard it all, something new comes along that makes me SMDH.

On my way to work Friday afternoon, I’m listening to Jim Rome, who dropped this nugget of gold on me and his “Clones.”

Apparently, two teenage-looking women wanted money so bad, they decided to rip off some Girl Scouts selling cookies in front of a Winn-Dixie store in Lake Worth, Fla. They say there was $150 in the envelope they snatched from a 9-year-old girl.

When asked by a local TV news crew why they did it, they showed no remorse.

“We needed money,” said one of them, who I point out used her friend’s name, Stephanie, on camera. Way to be a snitch. You know what happens to snitches, right?

Anyway, why was the money needed so badly?

“Just for anything.”

What’s even more disturbing to me is that the suspect says she’s “pissed” because she was hit with charges, so she says, “I should have kept that money.”

Even funnier to me is that, when told someone saw stealing from a child as “heartless” she replied, “Well, it’s not HER money.” My bad, y’all. This makes it totally OK. I tell you this: Those damn cookie peddlers (I’ve never done crack but I bet Thin Mints are just as addictive) best not show up at SacDaddy’s doorstep or they’re getting their loot jacked! After all, it’s not really theirs.

Unbelievable.

Stephanie (if that really is her name) came on camera next and was just as dumb as her snitch-bitch friend.

When asked why she committed this ridiculous crime, she dropped this: “Who doesn’t like money?”

Guess what? SacDaddy82 likes money, too, but I’m not gonna gank it from some 9-year-old!

I was ready to give Stephanie some credit when she said there’s a lesson to be learned here, but, of course, I put too much faith in common sense. The “lesson” she learned?

“Not to get caught.”

She added more, but this was her first answer.

Wow.

Stephanie then added that “I don’t feel sadness for that little girl” because others started to give her money because of this. Basically, she looks at it like she did more good than harm.

All of this because they needed money for gas and cigarettes. And a necklace. And a new phone. (One can get all this for $75? After all, she had to split it with her friend and already spent $50 on gas.)

She ended the interview with this: “We should have at least got to keep the money.”

Forrest Gump famously said that “stupid is as stupid does.” He clearly knew these two dumbshits.

The full interview is here.

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