Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Burning Bucks, Not Calories

(By YetiVedder) – Tired of reaching in your freezer only to pull out your half-eaten ice cream when it was supposed to be full? Ben & Jerry’s has created a solution to that pesky, ice cream-stealing roommate problem: a lock for your pint of ice cream.

Ben & Jerry’s re-introduced the “Euphori-Lock,” a lock that slide over the lid of your ice cream and locks it.

“Worried the dessert desperados have their eyes on your favorite ice cream flavor?” Ben & Jerry’s wrote. “Hate to leave home for fear of cold-hearted pint-nappers? Tired of vain attempts to conceal your favorite passion behind the frozen peas? Ben & Jerry’s wants YOU to breathe easier!”

The lock is a two-part plastic security ring that deadbolts the lid of your ice cream which can only be unlocked with a secret code.

The best part? The Euphori-Lock is inscribed: “I’m terribly sorry, but there is no ‘u’ in ‘my pint.'” (Read the rest of the story here.)

So this has to be the dumbest invention ever.

I am a fat man, and it took me all of three seconds to beat this stupid lock.  I take a steak knife and cut right through the middle of the container like Macgyver breaking locks and shit!  BOOM, I’m eating your ice cream bitch!  So you wasted seven bucks of your hard earned money on a lock that doesn’t even protect you from the wrath of my fatness!

Understand that fatty’s will always find a way. Not to exercise, but to eat your delicious snacks!

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

One comment on “Burning Bucks, Not Calories

  1. mommyhatesme
    May 28, 2012

    Cut the entire bottom ring out, flip it upside down, and the top becomes the bottom. I now have a reinforced bottom for my stolen ice cream pint. Sweet.

Got something to say? Say it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on May 25, 2012 by in Random Ish and tagged , , , , , , , , .

Click on a Writer. Read Stuff.

Twitter Updates

Enter your email address to follow Fifth Period Lunch and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Do it... do it now!

%d bloggers like this: