Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
* If a comedian says he “killed,” he was very funny! If a murderer says he “killed,” he was not very funny!
* I am not so confident in my Lakers anymore. Oh man, they got spanked. I think they will steal one from Oklahoma City, but Durant, Westbrook and company are just too deep. It looks like Metta World War is going to have to drop Macho Man Randy Savage elbows to win this one!
* Why does anyone care if he shakes James Harden’s hand? I don’t. James Harden doesn’t. We all know Metta World War is cukoo! So why does any of his stupidity surprise anyone???
* Speaking of politics. A big ATTABOY to Obama on gay marriage. Gay marriage should be legal and it also should be left out of voting. I don’t remember anyone voting over straight folks getting married? Where is that found in the Constitution? If we really are a free country, that fights everyday to remain free, doesn’t that freedom go for EVERYONE? Marry who ever you want! I have some gay friends that are the definition of true love! Marry ahoy! Just invite me and have open bar!
* I am a huge fan of the NBA, but to say it isn’t the most fixed league in the world is ridiculous. Just look at the playoff commercials for example. Paul Pierce and Kevin Durant in the rafters talking about rings and banners. SO what the NBA is saying is THIS is who we want in the finals. You will NEVER see a football, baseball or hockey commercial like this! I have yet to see a Pacers or 76ers commercial. No one, and I mean no one, wants to see a Pacers-76ers Eastern Conference Final. Not even Philly and Indiana fans!
* The song “Call Me Maybe” makes sense to me and I don’t know why. I just think that if someone gave me their number and said call me maybe, I just might call them. Then again, I might not. I just like having options.
* The most frustrating team in the world is my Boston Red Sox. I honestly love watching the team bat and hate watching them pitch. They have won five straight with everyone’s favorite Josh Beckett getting the last win against Ichiro and that AAA squad from Seattle! I know I have written that I would take 60 cents to the dollar for Josh Beckett, and here is why. He is past his prime. We aren’t getting the Beckett that goes nine innings and is a dirt dog. Hell, he won’t even go back-to-back starts with a hang nail. Do I think you could trade Beckett and land a couple of prime prospects? Yes I do. I don’t even think you would need to eat money! Trade him to Theo! We know he loves washed-up starting pitching. If this team struggles into June I think you could see a fire sale starting with Beckett and Youk, and me smiling!
* Why would I be smiling, you ask? Because I want the Sox to go young! Middlebrooks, Larvanway, Iglesias??? Yes, yes and yes! Trade Beckett and get a couple of young pitchers! If the Sox bench Middlebrooks for Youk I may protest outside of Fenway. You are all welcome to join me. This kid is legit and the team should thank their lucky stars he is playing so well! I enjoy watching certain players bat. Manny was one. Nomar was another. Now you have Papi, Pedroia and Gonzo. Youk was never one of those guys. Middlebrooks most definitely is. Welcome to the club!
* Free joke you can use at work and thank me later: Knock knock. Who’s there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin, day hating, patrolling, they try to catch me riding dirty. You’re welcome!
* A joke for the bar: What kind of bees give milk? Boo-bees. BOOM! Funniest guy at the bar!
* Bruce Springsteen is playing Fenway Park and Gillette Stadium? Now if he will just do an acoustic set in my basement this summer would be pretty cool.
* Is there a better celebrity fan then Jack Nicholson? Please feel free to name one!
* The show Girls on HBO is the worst! I give every show on HBO and Showtime a shot and it literally was the worst show ever. If you are a hipster douchebag, you will seriously love this show. If you have a sense of humor and have friends, you will not like this show. It’s like Sex and the City with unattractive girls. That is the best way to describe the show. One looker, and she happens to be the one that never takes her clothes off. Not that I care about that! Okay, I care about that.
* I have zero desire to see The Avengers. I guess I am the one person alive who thinks like this. I do want to see the new Dark Knight film. Batman is way cooler then all the Avengers combined! Nerd battle!
* Best Batman villians of all-time in a movie? Jack Nicholson as Joker wins again! Then Heath Ledger as Joker. Then Jim Carrey as the Riddler. And in last place? Arnold as Dr. Freeze.
* Kate Upton is tweeting me almost every day now. It makes sense as I can dance way better then almost anyone I know. If they had weight class dance competitions like they do in Olympic Wrestling, I would win!
* I know the Kate Upton cat dance is super hot, but has there ever been a girl more seductive, fully clothed, dancing at a Clippers game then this?
* No Eliza, I wasn’t flirting with another girl. Kate Upton just has that flirty way about her. You know you’re my one and only.
* I would compare losing Chris Bosh to losing Ray Allen for the Celtics, Metta World War for the Lakers or James Harden for the Thunder. It will certainly hurt the team, but it won’t eliminate your team from the playoffs! Derek Rose? Now he is a different story!
* George W. Bush backed Mitt Romney. Somewhere Mitt is saying, “Thanks, but no thanks!”
* I think sexual harassment in the work place should be optional. I’m sure there are women that don’t want to be harassed, but if my boss wants me to show a little more leg in order to get more money, I’m in!
* Where have you gone Nancy McKeon? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you!