Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

70-Year-Old Virgin? Yes, please!

(By YetiVedder)

The Sun (UK) – Cabaret singer Pam Shaw said she has always been too busy working to find a man.

And even though she sings under the saucy name The Sexational Pam — and has  rubbed shoulders over the years with sex symbols of the time like Tom Jones  and Roger Moore — she has never hopped between the sheets.

Pam explained she does not believe in sex before marriage. And as she has stayed single there was no question of losing her virginity.

But she said: “Now’s the time. I’m ready to take the plunge for the right bloke.

 “My standards are still very high, though. I’m hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire.”

“I feel I am ready to give marriage a go and maybe go to bed with a man. You  are never too old for anything. Just look at Joan Collins.”

Pam, who dresses in revealing costumes when she performs on Britain’s club  circuit, added: “I like to think I’d be a real catch.”

Yeti Vedder is throwing his name in the ring!  I mean, I have always wanted to date a show girl, why not just marry her?  Not to mention the fact that I get to call her Sexational Pam?  You had me at Sexational!  But I get it…  my career of being a no-name dancer also prevents me from hibbity-dibbity time.  So this is what I have to offer you Sexational Pam:

1.  I’m a good listener and I’m sure you have tons of boring stories about Tom Jones and Roger Moore!

2.  I dig older women.

3.  70 is my favorite number…  coincidence?

4.   I love a girl that plays hard to get.

5.   Discounts…  I am all about getting discounts!  Early-bird specials do nothing but turn this Yeti on!

Eliza, you’re still my girl, but I’d appreciate if you’d add a Sexational before your name!

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

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