Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

The Mind Of The Yeti – 5.9.12

A double dose of Yeti Vedder’s arm candy!

(By YetiVedder)

You are about to enter the mind of Yeti Vedder.  I want to warn you now that what you are about to read will make you laugh, cry and maybe even shart just a little bit…  Here we go!

*  If you take a picture of yourself and post it on Facebook, it doesn’t say you’re wacky.  It says you have no friends that want to take pictures of you.

*  Does anyone know what teams are left in the NHL playoffs? Yeah, me either!

*  As much as I dislike the Red Sox starting pitchers, I love our lineup. Top to bottom there isn’t a hitter that I think is an automatic out. Our OF is a bunch of scrappy guys that play hard day in and day out, and that is without Jacoby Ellsbury and the artist formerly known as Carl Crawford. Will “The Thrill” Middlebrooks has added a hype this team hasn’t had since Pedroia. The only thing I can complain about is how bad the starting pitching is. I would still take sixty cents to the dollar for Josh Beckett. I would take a pack of gum for John Lackey. Clay Buchholz belongs in AAA. It’s sad when our shining stars are Felix Doubront and Daniel Bard, who have been good, not great! But they are also making less money combined then Josh Beckett makes in a year. Aaron Cook sucked in his first outing, but he could be a great fourth or fifth starter. Another guy we’re paying zero dollars for.

*  Josh Hamilton is a beast. His last six at bats? Five home runs and a double. His four-home run night brings me to this. Four home runs in one game is the hardest thing to do in baseball. Perfect game has been done twenty-one times, while this was only the sixteenth time it has happened. It might be the hardest thing to do in all of sports. Very debatable. The more I think about it, the more I think it would have my vote.

*  R.I.P. Adam Yauch. The Beastie Boys are one of my favorite rap groups of all time. You never think of them when talking about the best rappers. You will never hear anyone say greatest rappers of all time are Biggie, Tupac and the Beastie Boys. It just won’t happen. BUT the best rap group ever? I would say they could definitely be mentioned!  Top three easily!

*  Shit, if it’s going to be that kind of a party, I’m gonna stick my dick in the mashed potatoes

*  I am the anti-Celtic. I am the very opposite of a green teamer. I think Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce are two of the biggest phonies on the planet. I have to say that I am cheering for this Celtic team to go as far as possible in the playoffs. I hope and think they will win game six against the Hawks. I think they beat Philly in five. Then you have Miami. I honestly think the Celtics can win that series. As long as everyone is healthy and Garnett plays big and Rondo plays smart. I like watching Rondo. I won’t lie. When I heard the Rondo for Gasol rumors, I was all about getting Rondo. He’s the perfect fit for Kobe. A point that is pass-always instead of pass-first? Kobe would be in heaven. Oh and in the finals when the Celts play the Thunder, Spurs or Lakers? They get romped!

*  In a perfect world, wouldn’t another Celtics-Lakers final be awesome?

*  I hate bringing my car to the mechanic. I hate places that don’t list prices. A mechanic will fix your car in an hour and look at you and say six-hundred bucks. What did you do? Why is it six-hundred bucks? I get that the parts are expensive, but show me that you paid for them! Show me the prices! Stop telling me that my furbulator blew and I owe you a grand! I don’t even know if a furbulator exists, but it sounds real, right?

*  A barbershop or salon is the only place you can leave looking worse then when you went in. P.S. You paid to look worse! It’s like you walk in and yell “No whammy, big bucks, no whammy, STOP!” And if you get whammied? You are ugly for the next few weeks. Don’t worry though because it grows back! Unless you are me and you are bald. Then it doesn’t grow back and you also don’t have to worry about this anymore!

*  I think Dancing With The Stars would be better if it was more like professional wrestling. Like every once in a while, an evil “celebrity” just throws marbles on the dance floor? THAT is a show I would watch.

*  I don’t get why anyone watches that show! Why do you want to watch the girl who was cute on Little House On The Prairie 35 years ago do a Tango? Why do I want to watch the fourth-best wide receiver on the Packers tap dance? Not to mention, shouldn’t I know who you are if you are going to be labeled as a star? The show is just ridiculous, but I’m pulling for Maria Menounos, mainly because I know who she is!

*  You thought I was going to forget about Eliza Dushku!? Well I just can’t let that happen. Rumor has it that her boyfriend, Rick Fox, is very jealous of me. Rumor also has it that I was the one that started this rumor. Well, Jessica Alba and I both know this isn’t true. Alba is always checking up on me. You know, just in case Dushku screws up!

*  I lie about the dumbest stuff. I don’t lie about anything serious that could harm anyone. I lie about eating at restaurants or knowing where a bar is. I just don’t want to let the person telling me the story down.

*  Where have you gone Danielle Fishel, our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you!

She’ll probably be on the next season of Dancing With The Stars!

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

One comment on “The Mind Of The Yeti – 5.9.12

  1. mommyhatesme
    May 9, 2012

    15 times in major league history… with 9 batters for ~30 teams batting every night. The number of opportunities for this to happen are ridiculously high and yet only 15 times in history. Throw in the fact that a pitcher can obviously just avoid a batter after his 3rd home run and I’d agree that this is up there with any feat in sports as far as degree of difficulty goes.

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