Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Bitches Be Trippin’

(By CaffeineFiend)

An ode to the Passive-aggressive Haters: 

Quit being bitches. 

Your bullshit needs to cease and desist.

Writer’s note —

As a twentysomething, and a non-omniscient one at that, if you don’t clue me in on certain goings on, be it events or simply the fact that you don’t like what I’m doing with my life at the moment, I’M NOT GOING TO KNOW ABOUT THEM (or your unrealistic expectations for me to put my life on hold to comply with your every whim) unless you actually man up and say something.

Try as I might, it’s not going to happen.

This is a girl thing. Never, in my life, have I known a single member of the male species to work the guilt trip to such heightened levels of perfected manipulation.

Now, if you were to meet me in person, I’m about as easygoing as they come — unless there’s a contact sport or game of Monopoly involved (I almost punched a friend’s lights out when I was 7; he was cheating.).

But that’s neither here nor there.

Moving on.

I’m generally unflappable. I roll with punches (or bounce with them, depending on the amount of caffeine in my system). It’s nearly impossible for friends to make me mad.

However, I’ve come to realize this week that I have a button and it isn’t hard to push.

It starts with a low tolerance for stupidity.

Communication, people — it’s how adults roll.

It’s not a difficult concept. If you have a problem, you talk it out. I’m not saying you need to yell, whine, grab someone by the collar like a 7-year-old vigilante or continue to bring it up for the next 15 years.

Just say what has your panties in a bunch, either say I’m sorry, get the other person to realize they’ve effed up and say they’re sorry or learn to deal and move on.

No silent treatments, no pretending to be nice and then inserting snide, backhanded or otherwise bitch-like comments at every opportunity.

To resume —

Just be real. 

If that’s asking too much, due to your incessant whining, I have installed a “complaints” box in the corner (It’s that thing that resembles a paper shredder). 

[PLEASE NOTE: You may hear a slight whirring noise as you place your complaint card in the slot. Don’t worry. It’s normal.] “

About CaffeineFiend

Smitten wife. New mom. Former reporter. Coffee junkie. Shutterbug. Foodie. Guitarist. Roadtrip enthusiast. Adventure seeker.

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