Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Cardboard Combat – 5.4.12

(By TheWayIsHere)

In last week’s battle, the 1958 Don “Dumbo Ears” Mossi Topps card was able to squeak by the 1958 Frank “Look Me In the Eyes” Zupo Topps card by the narrowest of margins. What will this week’s result be?!

1997 Bowman Ricky Ledee vs. 1983 Topps Mike Armstrong

1997 Bowman Ricky Ledee

Not entirely sure what Ricky is going for here. It’s easily the most flamboyant baseball card of all-time… not that there’s anything wrong with that! I look at this picture and I immediately envision those awkward moments back in grade school during picture day. Mommy would dress you up in your best clothes and send you off. You’d wait in line for half an hour, making fun of the dweebs getting their picture taken in front of you. Secretly, though, your palms would be sweating with nervous anxiety. Finally, it was your turn to step up, but instead of using your awesome planned pose, the photographer would make you sit in the most awkward position ever. This is definitely what happened to Ricky here. Can’t you just see all his Yankee teammates waiting in line behind the photographer snickering and pointing? I can. Also, I thought that tape on the wrists was supposed to stabilize them? That wrist looks awfully limp to me.

Key Stats: Has no problem fitting in at the gay bar; master of the dead-fish handshake; retired following hemorrhoidal surgery; this card/head shot vaulted Ledee into an acting career – he appeared in For Love of the Game as a member of the Yankees

1983 Topps Mike Armstrong

You mad bro? As it turns out, Mike Armstrong was. Ricky Ledee should have followed Armstrong’s lead. The Topps photographer clearly tried to position Mike in an awkward pose, but he was not happy about it. “You wanna put Mike in this gay-ass pose, Mr. Photographer man? Well how about Mike gives you one of these! And then one of these!” A lightning-fast, one-two combo of the pouty face. “Mike does not take kindly to flamboyant poses.” Now you know. Despite looking eerily similar to the pedophile who used to live down the street from me in the 1980s (and who had a lovely basement, by the way), Armstrong was actually a fairly solid relief pitcher – though wild as fuck. Try to make him do something he didn’t want to, and a fastball would be coming at your head. People with glasses always seem to have the shortest fuse.

Key Stats: The Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn character in the Major League movies was based on Armstrong; chin looks like a butt; was a mean man; spends three hours a day brushing his mustache; cuddles with his baseball glove every night; refers to himself in the third person

Who ya got?

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

3 comments on “Cardboard Combat – 5.4.12

  1. At the Buzzer
    May 4, 2012

    I think Mike Armstrong gets bonus points for looking like a certain psychopath we all know and love.

  2. johnlink00
    May 4, 2012

    How many seconds apart were those two Armstrong pictures taken? One second? A minute? Did they come back another day and get the same look? And if you photoshopped A-Rod’s name over Ledee’s, how many people would just assume it was an early A-Rod card? That said, Armstrong gets the edge for nailing the look twice.

  3. Pingback: Cardboard Combat – 5.11.12 « Fifth Period Lunch

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