Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Everything is the Worst – 5.3.12

(By SergeantShakes)

A short time ago, before I joined these wonderful gentlemen here at Fifth Period Lunch, I had a personal blog called “Everything is the Worst”. So I’ll be posting each Thursday with the same type of format that I was using before. Of course, I’ll be posting whenever I have something to say, but this will be the regular weekly deal.

SEEN & HEARD. This will consist of weird things I overhear or random conversations I have with people in public.

Example: I overheard through the speaker at a Dunkin’ Donut’s drive-thru, “…fucking furburgers.” That’s not what I ordered.

BLACK & BLUE.  Pretty simple. I’m clumsy.

Example: Lost my balance getting changed in a public (work) restroom and my body slammed into the wall causing all of the other stalls to shift sideways and freak out the other squatters.

ENGLISH IS HARD. I have a minor speech disorder, so things sometimes come out wrong.

Example: I wanted to say, “That’s because there’s no cell service here.” Came out as, “That’s because notes snee snerpents here.” Yeah, I don’t know what they are either.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?  The things I don’t… I just don’t know.

Example: A guy in line at Market Basket told me about his vacation home that his wife isn’t allowed to visit in Ogunquit, Maine. I assumed it was just a hangout place, like a man-den that’s the size of a house… until he asked me my feelings about gay men.

We’ll see how this goes. Hopefully, these short tidbits will make you all aware of just what’s going on right outside your homes and the kind of people out there. It’s a scary place, my friends. As far as the short stories about my own mishaps, at least you might feel a bit better thinking, “Hey, at least I’m not that girl.”

The real “Everything is the Worst” posts will start next week.

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