Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
Somewhere along the line, I became that guy who people seem to come to when they need advice. Had I gone to college and taken it seriously, I could be getting paid $85 an hour for this. Whatever, that’s not the point.
The most recent topic is one I’ve seen quite a bit in my 34 years: dating a friend’s ex. Is it ever okay? If so, how long should one wait to approach said former love interest?
Since I believe there is no right or wrong answer to these questions, I think many factors must be looked at:
* How close are you with the friend in question?
* How deep was the relationship between the friend and the ex?
* Are you chasing the ex for a long-term relationship or simply trying to “have some fun” with them?
* How will this affect both your circle of friends and theirs as well?
Considering all this, I say it’s okay to go after a friend’s ex IF AND ONLY IF:
* The former couple was never married, never lived together or don’t have children together.
* It won’t ruin your friendship with your homey/bestie/BFF/whatever the hell people are saying these days.
Just my two cents.
I’ve been on both sides of this equation a handful of times, with each situation playing out differently. I’ll give just a few examples.
* A friend of mine was seeing this girl for about four months. When I met her for the first time, I could tell right away she was interested in me but I ignored it. A few weeks later, I’m with my boy, who’s on the phone with her. When he said I was there, she asked to say hello to me. That “hello” lasted more than an hour and she split with him the next day. A few days after, we spent the whole day together, ending the night with our first kiss. The relationship only lasted about a month or so, and the only regret I had was not discussing it with my dogg first. No matter. This was in high school. To this day, dude is one of my best friends. As for the chick, she moved out of state and neither of us have talked to her in years.
* Also in my high-school days, I was with my first girlfriend for nearly a year. Once we split, she dated some other guy for at least six months or so before they broke up. Not long after said split, one of my good friends hit me up. He basically told me that, whether I liked it or not, he was going to start seeing her but he wanted to be straight up about it. I told him I had no problem with it. They lasted quite a few years before splitting, even moved out of state together and had a kid together.
There have been other scenarios, including one where my best friend and I were dating best friends. His girl tried to hook up with me on the low but I’m not that guy who would screw my boy over.
In recent years, I’ve seen several scenarios that don’t involve me, including a friend who has been burned by both her brother and sister, a friend who has a kid with another friend but started to date his boy, and one where a mutual friend of a couple wedged her way in between them for some side action, among others. Hell, one of my friends is dating his boy’s ex-wife and is blowing it up like it’s no big deal.
Damn, maybe there are no rules to this game.
I know the popular saying is “All’s fair in love and war,” but I personally think that people should consider how it affects others as well. If a person can sleep well at night knowing the decision they’ve made is the correct one, I’m all for it. I say if there’s going to be drama attached, make sure that the other person is worth it.