Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
In honor of this year’s NFL Draft, it is important to give credit to the women behind the stars. These women ensure that when gameday comes around, our boys are completely taken care of and focused on nothing but football. So, with no further adieu, here America, here are your top 10 NFL Draft Wives and Girlfriends…
I found this through Google, checked my sources as much as I cared to and, as far as I can tell, this is legit. Seriously Trent, get your shit together! You’re better than that. This is the NFL dude, you can’t be walking around with this third rate gold digger under your arm. Hopefully they teach pimpin in the rookie symposium because clearly the U of A doesn’t provide proper education.
Okay, so she’s not bad. Nice teeth, decent face, this one already has ring on her finger so unlike Marmaduke at number 10, she’s probably safe. She seems a little prudeish but I don’t think it’s anything a couple mil can’t fix.
Alright, so the girls are starting to get good looking. Honestly I am a little disappointed, because when I started this draft, I expected the chicks to be much sluttier and have no chance of lasting for the long term. Melanie is a solid #8 pick though. Weeden is someone’s grandfather, so you gotta figure that Melanie has been around for years and is probably in it for the right reasons. Sure, head is oddly shaped but all in all I think you get value for this pick.
This was a close one for me. Ol’ Kimberly was teetering on the eighth pick for a while, but when I draft a team I like potential. A full generation younger than Mrs. Weeden means Kim has a much higher ceiling so the toss up falls in her favor.
The Cowboys made a late trade with the Rams to draft Miss Liddicoat at number 6. Asked in the war room what spurred the trade, Jerry Jones stated, “We saw a lot of value in Rebecca, she’s got kind of a gross face, but look at those tits.”
Very safe pick here at number 5. Much like her husband, Julie has been the model of consistency throughout her years at Boise State. Nice hair, very pretty face…small left nostril issue but I think she will have a great career as an NFL WAG.
Another safe pick at Number 4. Scouts for weeks have been touting her ability to felate the Spartan TE. You worry that over the years her body type is made to support a larger load, but having a modeling career is sure to curb any issues with complacency.
The first real stretch we have seen in this Draft. The Browns traded up to get this pick and it is clear that they are banking on Nicole’s gymnastics background to make waves in the bedroom despite lacking somewhat in the face. The Browns have been a cursed team and you just have to think that they may have been better off nabbing the wife out of Boise St.
Miss Offenburger performed extremely poorly on the Wonderlic Test, but teams don’t seem to be worried one bit. As one scout put it, “She looks at you with those ‘Fuck Me’ eyes and all is right in the world.” Solid pick here.
Since her junior year at A&M, NFL teams have been chomping at the bit for a chance to nab Ufer. Rumors have surfaced that the Colts organization may have been tanking games late in the year to secure this future Hall of Famer. ESPN’s Mel Kiper Jr. and Todd McShay both had Ufer filling the top three slots in each of their Mock Drafts. On NFL Live, Kiper said, “She’s got legs that go to heaven and a perfectly manicured vagina that I just want to rub my perfectly manicured hair on.”
Thank you for joining us ladies and gents!