Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012
You are about to enter the mind of Yeti Vedder. I want to warn you now that what you are about to read will make you laugh, cry and text message people smiley faces! Here we go!
* Pink slime was bound to have a bad reputation. I mean I don’t usually judge a book by its cover, but I will judge it by its name. Pink slime sounds horrible. Red slime, green slime, and rainbow slime all sound bad as well! Now if they had just called it pink surprise? No one would care! Everyone would enjoy it! What is in my burger? Pink surprise? Eat on!!!
* I just learned the dude who played David Silver is married to Megan Fox. This leaves me a glimmer of hope that my super model awaits me. I can only imagine who Dylan McKay is married to!
* Ron Artest, Metta World Peace, Old Dirty Bastard or what ever name he is going by this week is crazy and I love him for it. He is the only player that can get the headline “World Peace Elbows Opponent In The Face!” He has the second craziest tweets of any famous athlete out there. (Congrats Jose Canseco!) Don’t get me wrong, I think what he did to James Harden was horrible, cheap and dirty. But I love having him on the Lakers. He protects Kobe and is always the first one to jump in when something is going down on the floor. Has he lost a step? No… He’s lost five steps, but he is still bat-shit crazy and that makes up for those lost steps.
* I wish I could have been hanging out with Tito Francona when the Red Sox blew that 9-run lead. Like I said last week, this team is very hard to like. I also was sort of hoping he was going to pull a WWE and hit Bobby V with a steel chair and take his job back at the 100 year birthday bash!
* Speaking of… Fenway’s 100th Birthday Celebration was pretty great! There were 3 players that were missing for me. Wade Boggs, who was always my favorite player as a kid. Roger Clemens, even with all the controversy it would have been awesome to see Roger back at Fenway in a Sox uniform. And of course Manny. So many people hate on Manny, but not this guy. I loved Manny and everything he did for the Sox. Steroids or no steroids, Manny was the best hitter in my lifetime to play for the Red Sox. He was every bit the hitter that Pedro was pitcher. What I mean was that every time Pedro pitched you expected a no hitter. Well every time Manny batted you expected a home run. He was that good!
* I do love the fact that the Red Sox traded for Marlon Byrd and no one knew about it! I also love this trade just so we can hear Surfing Bird a million times! I can’t believe you haven’t heard!
* Getting old sucks! Ten years ago, I would eat a buffalo chicken sandwich and wash it down with some Mountain Dew while being up all night to party. Now if I do either one of these things I will have heartburn and be up all night sick!
* Every time I go inside a bank the first thing I think about is how I would rob it. Then I deposit the $43 check I was given for doing stand up and leave with a lollipop.
* Who was the first banker to have the idea to give out free lollipops? That person deserves a raise! I always take one because it makes me feel rewarded for depositing my small amounts of money!
* My NFL draft predictions? Andrew Luck will go number one. RGIII will go number two. The Patriots will trade down and not take the player I want them to take, yet still go 14-2 proving that they are way smarter than I am.
* Twenty-one is the last good birthday you have. I always enjoyed the birthday you could look forward to doing something. At 16 you could drive, 18 was the slobberknocker you could purchase smokes, smut and vote! Then at 21 you get booze and it’s like congrats to you because every birthday from here on out means nothing. Which leads me to this… every five years you should get the power to do something new. You’re 50 and have been driving a vehicle for 34 years now. Drive as fast as you want, when and where you want! You’re 30??? Well you can wear shorts to work when it is really hot outside! I mean only a complete moron wears pants when it’s 80 degrees outside! And if you make it to 100 years old, you can do anything you want! Literally! Everything is free to you because you probably won’t remember to pay for anything anyways! But you have earned it. Age rewards! Let’s make this a thing!
* Eliza Dushku is still my girl, but Jennifer Connelly is a close second!
* Hockey playoffs are the best to watch. Every game is exciting as hell and the sudden-death overtime games are super intense! I rank sports playoffs like this… NFL, NHL, NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, MLB, NBA, The Masters, Women’s NCAA Basketball Tournament, WNBA, Bowling, any other sport’s playoff system, college football’s BCS.
* Little known fact. If you play Words With Friends while on the toilet, it is called Turds With Friends.
* If I am picking one basketball player to win me one game today, Kobe Bryant is still the best player in the NBA. Five-year plan? I’m taking Kevin Durant with Derrick Rose a close second.
* There are still Americans that think Obama was not born in America. They get a vote. That scares me!
* Where have you gone Brian Austin Green? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you! P.S. the dance move at the :05 second mark is priceless! You’re welcome! Double P.S. I would have also said no if Andrea asked me to dance. She was like 45 and still in high school!
* Oh yeah, he’s married to her!!!!