Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Fenway Park is 100 – BAH HUMBUG!!!

(By YetiVedder)

I remember my first trip to Fenway Park. I was 6 years old and they were playing a good Kansas City Royals team. Kansas City had great players like Hall of Famer George Brett, a young ace named Bret Saberhagen, and a closer with a delivery every kid tried to impersonate in Dan Quisenberry. I remember my dad and brothers making me try to get autographs because I was the baby and most likely to have a player come over and sign something. That was the World Series team in 86′ and it was stacked. Dewey Evans, Jim Rice, Roger Clemens, Bill Buckner, Marty Barrett, and of course my favorite Red Sox player ever, Wade Boggs. I remember the Red Sox won that game even though the only home run was hit by Steve Balboni. The Sox were awesome that year. The lineup was solid from top to bottom and there was no such thing as talk radio or crazy ESPN shows that would criticize Boggs for drinking 35 beers before a game. That was supposed to happen back in 1986. Hell, one of the reasons Wade Boggs hit so well was because he ate KFC before every game! Sox fans forget that was actually a Hall of Fame player’s pregame ritual!

Anyways, I loved going to Fenway Park as a kid. It represents so many great memories for me over the years. Those of you that know me, know that I am not a very shy guy. I was there on back to back Easter Sundays when Nomar and Papi hit walk off home runs. I have started the wave in the centerfield bleachers as a young college student. I have had the entire right field box seats section singing Sweet Caroline an inning before they should have just to make sure they were warmed up. I sat on the Green Monster with my brother (and favorite person to attend a Sox game with) and had Johnny Damon throw us a ball because we were being loud like good Red Sox fans should be! You read the title of this blog and thought, Yeti hates Fenway Park! Just the opposite my friends! I love Fenway Park. I think every Red Sox fan should have a chance to see a game there.


Me throwing out the first pitch with my friend Leia.

Right around the time of that game I sat in the Monster seats I started realizing something. I am a very large man. The name Yeti Vedder fits because I am half rock star, and half big foot. As a kid, going to Fenway and having “a good time” was one thing. But as an adult, I started to realize that I just don’t fit in the seats. Call me every name in the book, but if you tell me the seats at Fenway Park are comfortable I will call you a liar, good sir! I have sat in every section you can possibly think of and I can say it is time. Fenway has had a good run, but it is time for a new stadium. One where cheap seats will be cheap. A stadium where I will pay $100 for a ticket and be able to feel my legs at the end of the game. You know that guy no one wants to sit next to on an airplane? I’m that guy. At Fenway, even a regular-sized guy is that guy. Think about it! The park was built in 1912! The average man is 2 inches taller now! And that is just average. You didn’t have Yeti-sized freaks of nature like myself walking around the park. I would have been a king in those days! If I am paying top dollar, I expect to sit in comfort with my $15 Bud Light! No one looks comfortable at Fenway, and you lie if you disagree with me!

On another note, I hate that Fenway has completely sold out. In Chicago, Wrigley Field kept its traditions. We have freaking bricks that were sold with people’s names on them! We have a Jordan’s furniture sign in centerfield that I hope to god someone hits just so I don’t have to see those painful commercials anymore! We get excited to sit on top of the Green Monster which technically is a glorified bleacher seat! Sitting in the Grand Stand means you have child-bearing hips and weigh under one-thirty. Not to mention if we are winning by ten runs or losing by ten runs we will sing Sweet Caroline in the eighth inning no matter what (I absolutely hate that)! But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to destroy the park! Keep it for what it is – a historical Baseball Mecca!

Make it into a baseball museum. A place where they can hold special games – high school state championships, college world series, even some home game for our beloved Red Sox! Put up memorabilia all over the park so people can really enjoy the experience. Kids should learn about baseball there, but not have to watch a four-hour Red Sox-Yankees game there! People didn’t want to see Foxboro Stadium go, but it did and now Gillette is a great place to watch a football game. People didn’t want to see the Gahhden torn down, but TD Banknorth is great to watch the Bruins and that green team! I have a ton of great memories of our wonderful ballpark, but it is time Red Sox fans.

Happy Birthday Fenway Park! Hopefully you don’t have too many more…

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

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This entry was posted on April 20, 2012 by in Sports and tagged , , , , , , , .

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