Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

The Mind Of The Yeti…

(By YetiVedder)

Wednesday… The day of the week where everyone realizes the weekend is close. Some call it hump day. I never got that, mainly because hump day to me means I am humping as opposed to just getting over a fake weekly hump. Anywho, Wednesday will be the day Yeti unleashes some deep thoughts on you. They could be about anything from sports to what I had for dinner last night. Think of it as a grab bag of fun. A way to make your hump day go by a little faster. You will laugh, cry, and call that ex-girlfriend and say things that needed to be said! Here we go…

*The guy who discovered that milk came from a cow had to be kind of gross. You know, that friend that would do anything for a dollar.

Kate Upton makes even my grossest thoughts all better!!!

*Kentucky has 6 players entering the NBA draft. I am pretty damn sure they could beat 5 teams in the NBA: Toronto, Cleveland, Washington, Charlotte, and New Orleans. I’d pay money to see a scrimmage between a highly ranked college team and an NBA crap squad. Seriously name 5 players on any of those NBA squads. Name 3 players! The only way you can is if you live in that city, play PS3 with a rebuilding season mode going on, or if you are the biggest fan of the NBA. Or if you are Bill Simmons.

  Can you name these guys???   Neither can I!!!

*On another NBA note, my favorite player not on the Lakers, Delonte West, got a Technical Foul for giving Gordon Hayward of the Jazz a wet-willie. So West has now banged a teammate’s mom, and given an opposing player a wet willie. He is a wedgie away from the tri-fecta!

*Leaving a dog in a crate for a 12 hour ride on top of your car is just awful. So is leaving it in the kennel for 2 weeks. If you’re going away for 2 weeks and don’t have friends or relatives that will care for the dog you are probably a horrible person with no friends. And if you want to take the dog with you that bad, let it ride in the car with you. Especially if you are a multi-millionaire that could afford to have the dog travel in it’s own car one hundred times over.

*That is why some Americans will vote for Obama, but seriously let the dog in your car!

*Remember when Adam Sandler was the funniest man on the planet? Remember? Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and The Waterboy were all awesome! Then he got older and Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds were still pretty good. The crap he puts out now I feel like he should be paying us to see. Go back to your roots Adam. Dumb and Dumber has a sequel coming out. So does Anchorman. Billy Madison 2? Happy Gilmore 2? The Waterboy as a pro? These have to be better ideas then that Jack and Jill crap.

The Worst!

 

 The Best!

*If I had a Hall of Fame vote for baseball I am letting the great players from the steroid era in. Clemens, Bonds, Sosa, McGwire, Manny, even that purple lipped freak A-Rod all get in, and here is why. I grew up watching baseball during this era. If you allow no players in from this time then it is pretty much saying that all those games and World Series titles didn’t count. You don’t know for sure who did and who didn’t. Put a big fat asterik on their plaques, but I watched the games and know they happened. They were amazing to watch and the homerun years by McGwire, Sosa, and even Bonds helped save the game. So let these guys in.

*While we’re at it, let Pete Rose and the best mushroom hair-cut of all time in as well! I’ll bet twenty bucks they won’t do it!

*I’m pretty sure T-boz and Chilli are talking about a Left-Eye hologram right now. And that they still don’t want any scrubs.

*Maria Menounos is so freaking hot, but have you ever heard her laugh? It is a deal breaker. You know, for when she realizes that Yeti Vedder is the sexiest man on the planet. I make people laugh and that is my ticket with the ladies. So if every time I make the girl laugh it sounds like a fog horn that is a deal breaker. So Maria Menounos and I could never be.

*So, Eliza Dushku, there is still a chance for you. I just ask you leave Rick Fox at home. Even if he was a great Laker role player.

   It’s like she is watching the Yeti wherever he goes!!!

*You know how when you are younger your parents tell you you’ll go blind if you touch yourself too much? Well I’m blind in one eye. Nough said.

*If a tree fell in the forest and you weren’t there then why do you even give a rat’s ass?

*Am I the only one that wants Dave Chappelle to make a comeback? His show was the best sketch show ever! I would love to see him host SNL or go on a stand up tour. I can’t be the only one!  One, two, three, four, FIF!!!!

*I would trade any player on the Red Sox besides Pedroia and not care. First time in a long time I have thought that way, but this team is not very easy to like. I would take fifty cents on the dollar for Beckett.

*On another note am I the only that thinks Vincente Padilla looks like Anton Chigurh from No Country For Old Men?

             vs.        

*The funniest show for a family to watch is Modern Family. The funniest show to watch period is still South Park.

*Where have you gone Jean Claude Van Damme? Our nation turns it’s lonely eyes to you!

Hope you enjoyed this small glimpse into the mind of a Yeti. More to come next week!

About yetivedder

Straight outta Cumberland, R.I. is a crazy mother f'er named Yeti. I will steal your food, drink, and girl all while you are not looking. He might actually do it while you are looking but be very polite while taking all three. He will also do it in that order mainly because he is always hungry, thirsty, and horny! The Yeti will throw the greatest party that you won't remember, because he needs to remain a figment of your imagination. He wants the ladies to think that they may or may not have made love to a giant man last night while feeding him a steak and cheese sandwich! The Yeti is all about getting people to make bad decisions, but yet these bad decisions just feel so right. The Yeti is a diehard sports fan and is never afraid to show his team colors. He also isn't afraid to talk about himself in the third person like the greatest of all time Ricky Henderson! Yeti Likes: Easy women, cheap beer, expensive beer being given out for free, Red Sox baseball KFC and all, Lakers basketball, Metta World Peace, Bruins, Mashmond, Patriots, and bringing Randy Moss back! Easy women, URI basketball, old school WWF wrestling... Yeah I said F!, J's Deli samiches. Sponsor the Yeti page with some free sandwiches!!! More beer, and easy women! Tupac, Biggie, Snoop, Dre, Jay-Z Yeti dislikes: Wine drinkers that think they are better then me, Yeti hunters on TV that have no idea where Yeti's hang out! Hard women... Take that however you'd like... New school WWE, Any rapper with Lil or a direction in their name. Models who refuse to date me, when all I want to do is feed them. Relish of any kind... It is a Yeti kyrptonite.

3 comments on “The Mind Of The Yeti…

  1. mommyhatesme
    April 19, 2012

    I’d gladly take action on UK vs any of those 5 even giving you 20-25 points. A) they dont have the depth b) 6 nba draftees vs 12 NBA players is certainly not in your favor. Its great to think Ant, MKG, Jones, Teague etc will all make amazing pros but i think 2 or 3 stick with 2 or 3 on the fringe. I hope someone organizes this in the offseason since all the UK kids will be NCAA ineligible. Id pay to watch and laugh

    UK was a 8 point favorite against Louisville… would you take them at +8 against the Bobcats? the Wildcats were all time good but lets not kid ourseleves with the NBA talk.

  2. yetivedder
    April 19, 2012

    Without googling it name 5 Bobcats… Even if you can name 5 Bobcats that were first round picks… They are saying that 3 of the UK players could go top 5! This isn’t your typical college team. If you gave me 12 points I am betting Kentucky all day long! Paul Silas coaching against Coach Cal??? No question!!!! Who needs a bench when 18 year old kids are playing? When I was 18 I could have drank a 30 pack and ran 12 miles! (This is a huge lie)

  3. blucowboy
    April 19, 2012

    I only call every third Wednesday “hump-day” because that is when my wife has sex with me.

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