Fifth Period Lunch

Trading carrots for chocolate pudding since 2012

Jesus Wants You to Place a Bid!

We have some enormous, gigantic… no, enorgantic news for all of you out there.

Fifth Period Lunch is having its first-ever auction! One of you lucky bidders out there, wait for it, is guaranteed to be blessed spiritually, physically and financially!

This is not a joke whatsoever. This is as legit as it gets!

You are bidding on a one-of-a-kind, unopened letter that will guarantee an improvement to your life! This holy letter arrived at our office today, but since our lives are already perfect, we decided to auction it off to our loyal readers!

Think of it as Jesus’ Clearinghouse – the dude is just giving away blessings, but you need to bid for them!

All you have to do is win and open the letter. All of your wildest dreams will then come true.

Please make checks payable to Fifth Period Lunch.

About TheWayIsHere

I’d like to think there is a lot to say about myself, but there isn’t. I founded Fifth Period Lunch with the intent on using the internet to spread gospel and the word of the Good Book. I thought He had a plan for me. Whoops. No, I’m just yanking your chain - I’m actually an atheist. Straylight Run’s John Nolan described both of our lives perfectly when he sang, “I know much more than I did back then, but the more I learn, the more I can’t understand. And I’ve become content with this life that I lead, where I drink too much and don’t believe in much of anything.” I’m married and creeping ever closer to the big 3-0. Despite that, I still enjoy acting like a child, to which my wife can attest. I enjoy microbrews, pinot noir, the Boston Red Sox, the New England Patriots and the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. I believe old people should be forced to take a driving test every year and I have a man-crush on more men than I probably should. Now you know.

One comment on “Jesus Wants You to Place a Bid!

  1. mommyhatesme
    April 19, 2012

    How did this make it past my desk? I’m broke as a joke.

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This entry was posted on April 19, 2012 by in Random Ish and tagged , , , , , .

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